I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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