I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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