Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My feet surprised me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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