i permit you to call me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
