Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
