we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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