She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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