walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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