can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
