Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
