drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
