Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
