spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
