we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
