Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
