So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
