just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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