careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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