i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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