i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize