dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
