i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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