The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
