we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
