she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
