How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet