Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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