I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol