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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown

  Fav 3 1937 937

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  There is too much vodka and too much dick.

  Fav 25 3878 2010

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.

  Fav 1 1685 1039

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!

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• (760): View more from California

  Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.

  Fav 4 1421 778

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• (845): View more from New York

  Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins

  Fav 6 1646 838

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.

  Fav 16 1319 663

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing

  Fav 1 515 426

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.

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