Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
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Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.