she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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