I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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