Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
