Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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