So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
