you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
