WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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