Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
