mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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