Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
