Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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