i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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