You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So much Jack, so little girl.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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