He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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