OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
