Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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