i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
