It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
