I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
