you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
