I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i've created a new STD.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
