Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
