He kissed a someone with a penis
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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