May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
