Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
