shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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