he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
