Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my sisters under your porch take her home
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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