So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
