Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
