nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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