Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
wanna go halves on a baby?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
