My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
