The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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