it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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