so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
