Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
