So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
