like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
