im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
