Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
