the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
